Speaker 0:00

Welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host, Anne Rees, and today we're talking about a topic that affects millions of people, but very few are willing to discuss openly, and that's intimacy shame. So joining me today is George Gold. Who made unconventional decision to leave a 30 year corporate career to become a professional companion? And today he helps people overcome intimacy, shame, heals emotional wounds, builds deeper, more authentic connection. So welcome to the show, George.

Speaker 2 0:32

Thanks, Dan. It's great to be here with you.

Speaker 0:33

Thank you. It's a pleasure to have you. So before we dive in, what's one belief about intimacy or relationships that you once believed but now you know isn't true?

Speaker 2 0:42

We've all been brought up in various cultures or religions perhaps, and have been given a almost a script of what relationships are like. So traditionally it's, you meet someone, you fall in love, you get married, you have children, and live. Happily ever after. That's the, the, the narrative that we are told for most of us though, that doesn't, it doesn't happen like that. And so there are so many ways of doing relationships and having intimacy that I've learned personally in my own experience, but that I've come across. All varieties,, as a companion. So I guess my, my initial, suggestion is don't believe there's only one way to do relationships. There are so many, and I'm sure that many of your listeners will have had heartbreak and breakups and everything in between. So I'm gonna be sharing some stories, no doubt, about different options that people have if that narrative has not worked for them.

Speaker 1:31

I love it. So let's start at the beginning. What made you walk away from a successful corporate career and become a professional companion, and what has that journey taught you about human connection?

Speaker 2 1:41

Yeah, it's been a really fascinating journey for me. So I found myself at 40 years old, singular. Again, I'd had two long-term relationships, and so I started dating. A lot and I really enjoy meeting new people. So I was working, away quite a bit. So I was staying in nice hotels and I'm a very social person. I really curious about people. So I was dating so many women and it was really, I really enjoy that. And with not. Not, I wasn't looking for a, long-term, another long-term relationship. So it was reasonably casual, but just meeting terrific women. And at one point, about maybe seven or eight years into it, a couple of those women said, where are all the guys like you? And what they meant was people who could hold a conversation, asked questions of them, were curious and just a gentleman. And then it was a, maybe five years ago, one of those women I was dating wanted to pay me for the intimacy we had because for her, she wanted to have a boundary between emotion. And intimacy. So she didn't wanna fall for me. So that was a really interesting experience because I had to up my game in terms of what I was offering, but I also had a number of other women say, look, you really should get paid for this work. So fast forward until a few years ago, and I was made redundant from a job I was doing. It occurred to me that, look, maybe I'll give this a go. And conveniently, I came across some articles in the media about a former male LS court who had given up the business and he was training men over 40 to move into doing this work. So it seemed pretty serendipitous. So we had a call, we had some video chats, and he gave me tips and advice about how to do it. And it honestly came fairly naturally for me, given all of that experience and background. But also the fact that I'd grown up with great female role models all of my life. So I have a great love and appreciation for women, and it's not been an easy job. It is really hard work. It's not about just making loads of money. It doesn't happen like that.

Speaker 3:34

Right.

Speaker 2 3:34

But what I've observed and the most beautiful things I've observed is. My female clients who've come to me from all walks of life, they've, some of them have had sexual trauma and abuse. Some have been virgins in their forties and fifties, and many of them just haven't had any intimacy at all for years. So they're feeling like the, the things that many of us take for granted, like having a hug with someone holding hands, they're being missing out on those things. And so that's where, I guess we don't think about that often, but there are, I'm sure there's a large proportion of people who are just missing that affection and that's something that's extraordinary that I really love to bring to my clients.

Speaker 4:13

So I have a question for you. Are the women able to prevent themselves from falling for you by paying you? Is that a way that they can separate it in their mind? Or have you had clients that have fallen in love with you? Because it's different for a woman than it is for man. So once they make that emotional connection,

Speaker 2 4:32

it has happened for sure and it continues to happen occasionally. And I think that's only natural because there's someone who's giving them a lot of attention and it can be intimate and there can be those feelings that naturally arise during that type of, connection with someone. And. It's like I'm providing something that they really want, but they can't have. So it's like I often say, you can, you can't buy me, but you can rent me and just to keep it, transactional, but it's the nature of doing the work I do. Because I am so invested in the energy and making it a wonderful experience for them, it's completely authentic on my end, and they see that and that's what makes it so good for them. But yeah, we have to keep reminding one another what it is and what it isn't.

Speaker 5:14

So what's the biggest misconception that people have about your profession, and what do they completely misunderstand about the women who seek your services?

Speaker 2 5:22

I think they mostly think that the companions are young, have got gym bods and they're just in it for the money and sure. There are some men like that in the industry. Absolutely. I'm not, and but it's far more than sex and intimacy that go, that is way down the list. The more important reason they come to me is for that human connection and for the experience of having someone that they can go. And see an opera or go to an art gallery or do those social things that they just don't get because they're, they might be lonely or their friends are all partnered up or they might be widowed and they're just feeling like they're invisible. So many women over 50 feel that they're invisible to society as a sexual woman, and I guess I give them the opportunity to lean into that person that they still are. But that is often ignored by society and they often don't see it in themselves. So it's like a rebirth in some ways, making them feel that there's, I see them come in to, to meet me, often nervous, particularly if it's the first time. But I can see their smile open up and the joy that comes from someone being completely attentive to them. It's a pretty natural thing when you think about it. But there is such a loneliness epidemic out there. So my job really is a companion. It's, you can call it other names if you wish, but the bulk of what I do is being a companion for women. And on a couple of occasions I've traveled overseas with these clients and they would not have gone by themselves for various reasons. And so I'm the one who does the driving. I would do the cooking. I'll be tour guide and do all of those things like a partner would have. And so there's a lot to it. And then there's a misconception that people like myself are earning a fortune and driving fast cars. That's not the case. You're

Speaker 7:08

not James Bond.

Speaker 2 7:09

No. Not yet. But but it takes a great deal of empathy and, and caring and kindness. That's what it's about. And like I say, intimacy is way down the list of the reasons why women reach out to me.

Speaker 7:20

So you had referenced women over age 50 who really aren't confident sexually anymore, and they have a rebirth when they're with you. So does that kind of build the bridge for them to then go out and find relationships? Do you find that happens, like you're just the bridge or do you find that this is like a long-term, service?

Speaker 2 7:41

It can be both, but I often use that analogy as well, and that I am the bridge to get them from one side of the river to the other. And it's just the catalyst that sometimes they need someone to remind them that they're a beautiful woman inside and out. And I've witnessed that many times where they might have had even one session with me or a couple, and I bring out the, what I see authentically in them. And yeah, in many occasions they've gone on to find a partner. It just takes that self-confidence and self-belief that they've had pushed down and, but I also have clients that have been ongoing for over two years now because they're not seeking that traditional relationship either. But they want the companionship that I provide and we have a clear understanding of what it is that we are doing for one another. Yeah, look, it's a fascinating observation of what it is that I provide that they can then take into other parts of their life.

Speaker 8:32

And so do you have a particular strategy or methodology that you use to help these women that feel invisible, that really wanna be seen and maybe have. Shame and sexual trauma that you help open them out? Or is it just really being a attentive and just giving them what they desire?

Speaker 2 8:49

Yeah, there's no formula for me. What I do when I have an inquiry that's genuine and we know that it's going to go ahead, I require a phone call beforehand because I need to understand what's their story, what's brought them to this point in their life, and so that, that makes me better empathize and realize what it is they might want. So there's a lot of communication. Every single person I see is a hundred percent customized. So it's not a strategy, it's not a formula. I guess you could certainly unpack the way I go about it, but I don't like to think of it in that way. It is just really meeting the client where they're at and acknowledging what they've been through. And so there's a lot of personal stuff that gets raised and I'll often say that I often see the. It's the very private life of these women and also sometimes their secret lives because many of them don't tell a single person that they've came to see me because they, the society might talk, might look down on them, they might feel shame. And, stigma. So that's their story. That's completely up to them. But no, there it is really just one-on-one every single time. And that's, I think, the beauty in it because it's not formulaic.

Speaker 9:59

Yeah, I love that. And I think, I'm sure that there is definitely a need for this and you've probably helped so many women and it's so beautiful. So what do you think women are emotionally longing for?

Speaker 2 10:11

Gee, that's a big question. And it, there's so many things. It depends on their past, because I think the most important thing in doing this work and also in dating is safety. So as a man, I don't have the concern. About dating women or, having concerns about my wellbeing because frankly, as we all know, things like domestic violence and abuse are usually perpetrated by men. So in any connection, the woman has to feel safe before she will relax, build, trust, and open up. I think they're essential things that, that women are seeking. They want to be seen, they want to feel heard, and they just want someone who can meet them at where they're at. And obviously our generation is different to generations in the past where women relied on men for the income and all of the. The care factors that come with that. But obviously most women are working these days, so, there's more independence. And I think what that, the challenge of that can bring is often that there's, is there equity in a relationship? Do men see women as equals? And I think that harks back to what I was saying earlier, that so many women were saying to me, where are all the guys like you? And many listeners will have been doing online dating, and I imagine it's the same in the US as is as it is here in Australia, Uhhuh, it's a minefield out there and it's, gosh, I couldn't tell you how many women have said it's really slim pickings. The quality of men is terrible. They don't reply, and all of those things that, that go on. And in many ways, that really is time consuming and soul destroying for so many women. They just wish there was some good guys out there. And believe me, there are, but I think it's different ways of it. It really comes down to knowing what you want as a person first, because otherwise we've all had relationships where in some cases you, you've come out of one. And you might be wanting another one straight away without having done the work on yourself to actually spend that time understanding who you are. Otherwise, you might just repeat the same pattern again. And so that's what I'd really suggest to people when that happens, don't rush because you might get what you just had and, no one wins out of that situation.

Speaker 12:17

Ugh. I agree a hundred percent. Heal your wounds before you move on. Otherwise, yes, that's just gonna be the same person in another package. I agree. So what are the biggest confidence killers in women? And what would you want every woman listening to today to know about her own attractiveness and worth?

Speaker 2 12:34

Yeah. And look, what I'm about to say is easier said than done. And because we are all our harshest critics, so whether it be the way you look in the mirror or the way you see your body and that tells a story of who we are. Yeah. So everyone's got bits of their bodies that they might not like or they might want to improve and so forth, but. The brain is, in my mind, the most appealing, erogenous stone because creativity and open-mindedness are the things that I find very appealing. Personally, I'm what's referred to as spi, sexual, now, what that means. There's not some, new age term, but it's just turned on by intelligence. And it doesn't mean someone has to be super smart, but it's just. I like questioning people, asking them questions about anything really, and that helps me understand the things that they're passionate about, and I can find anyone appealing and attractive. It's about, look, it's hard if you're feeling a lot of anxiety and stress and shame about yourself. And in some cases that's, not preventable because of what a woman might have been through in her life. But I try to see through those things and help them appreciate that you are a beautiful person. We're all different and unique and there's no. Perfect person or someone who's got all of their stuff together. So let go of that baggage because you have the opportunity and there's a saying or a mantra that I love to live by. Which is, don't have a life with future regrets. We're all here right now at this point in time. The past is gone. We can't do anything about it, but we can do things that will, we can work on the things that are going to happen. And even if we don't have many options in many ways of choosing. The things in our life, because certain circumstances might be kids and career and all of those things. We can all decide what to do each day. Now I've learned this, over many years and doing a lot of work on myself. And, it's so far as I know, we only get one chance in life, and I've decided to make this bold decision for me because why not? What's the worst thing that can happen and. I think it's, for me, it's been a deliberate choice to see positive things in my future. And I know I have a really positive, optimism and people see that, and I wish that people could, you don't have to carry that baggage with you through life. You can actually just let it go even metaphorically. And decide to be someone different. If you meet someone new for the first time and you're building some rapport, you don't have to tell them all of that stuff about your past because you are then putting onto them the image that you want them to hear. I think even just to do it for fun sometime, just almost make up a story of who you want to be. And fake it till you make it. And those sort of affirmations for me, I know they work and I see it all the time and I think it's a, it's something that practice makes perfect. You really need to keep trying those things to make them work.

Speaker 15:23

That mindset is so empowering and so supportive to your clients and must make a huge difference. So for someone reentering the dating world after years or even decades, what are some subtle green flags and red flags that they should be paying attention to that have nothing to do with physical attraction?

Speaker 2 15:40

Yeah, I think it's about everything. We, it comes down to communication. So if you are, going out there and dating, look for the, the people who are curious. They're not there. I hear from so many women that they go on a date with a man and he just talks about himself, his job, his car, his houses or all of those things. Nothing could be more boring than. Just talking about yourself, there's that saying that we have two ears and one mouth. Use them in proportion.

Speaker 16:06

I love it. Yeah, so

Speaker 2 16:07

true. Yes. So listen more than you talk, if you can do that, it shows that you are interested in the other person. And I think that's a good start. Just. If they're open and interested because we all love being asked questions about ourselves. That's wonderful. It shows attentiveness. So that's probably the simplest piece of advice we can give to begin with. And I think we also need to follow our gut as well, because there are some people that are just not going to be right for us for one reason or another, and often we can't put our finger on it. Take advice from your friends as well. They know you better than the person sitting opposite you, so by all means, share the information about this person. If it gets to the point where they get to meet that person, do follow their advice as well, because often we are blinded by that excitement of the new relationship energy, and it is like our brain is on drugs because we're seeing all the good things and we are ignoring all the things that we're not quite sure about. It's easy to fall into that. So just, yes, observe as much as you can, follow your gut and check in with your friends.

Speaker 17:10

Fantastic. That's great advice. What's one lesson that your clients have taught you that completely changed the way you think about love, relationships, and intimacy?

Speaker 2 17:19

Oh, boy, that's tough. There, there's been so many lessons. It's been a very steep learning curve. And every client is different. So I'm continuing to learn even after three years doing the work. But it's, look, love comes in different ways. I've had ongoing clients where I can honestly say I do have love for them because. I'm encountering people at various points and various ages in their lives. I think the most important and relevant thing is we all crave connection. We are, we're social creatures, and whether that be with a great friendship network or people who have got similar hobbies to you where we are not meant to be alone. And it's, I think it, it's important that people are seen and that someone actually cares about you because it's, and that I think can, if you don't have that, it can lead to depression and anxiety and all, all manner of health ailments that will come up, by being social and in many cases, putting yourself out there. Outside of your comfort zone., Because when it's either breakdown or breakthrough, so I know people who are very shy and they're just reserved, and I can imagine what the trajectory of their life is going to be because they're not taking those steps to actually try to improve it. And the clients that I see, they're, most of them have never seen a companion like me. So it's a bold step to actually get to the point where they've heard that it's available, it's legal, and they can actually do it. And I've seen that transformation over and over again because they've taken a step to get out of their zone and they've then moved on, like we were talking about earlier, not necessarily just to, to another relationship, but a different way of looking at life. So be bold. There's, like I say, what's the worst thing that can happen? Or better still? What's the best thing that can happen right there? There's so many beautiful things out there waiting for you.

Speaker 18:59

Yes, I agree. And they say that, especially as we get older, just having a community, a support system actually makes you live longer instead of just being alone. So how has this work changed you personally and what have you learned about yourself by helping others?

Speaker 2 19:15

It's given me, so many insights to myself and to my purpose. My why. And I, at the very outset, I've made very clear what my values were and what I, my boundaries were as well. And so it's important I think, for anyone really, for most of us in life, what is our why? Like, why are we doing what we are doing? That comes down to passion and belief systems and those things. And for me, I've maintained a high standard of personal value appreciating that this is unconventional work. There is still stigma associated with it for anyone in this industry, and I'm sure everyone's aware of that. And, so what I've been doing is, look, I take the higher ground and I value what I do because it's, it is an industry where people can try to put you down. But I will. Flip that over and if someone gives me a hard time, I'll say, yes, that is what I do. I really enjoy the work. I'm passionate about it. I see change in women. I. Almost immediately, in front of me. I can see them transform. Can you do that in your job? Are you finding that your job is actually making a difference and you feel incredibly wonderful because you are giving, I give, and the joy that I get from that is I see my clients changed and open up like a flower that makes me feel fantastic. It's like I'm in the caring economy, if you wanna call it that one.

Speaker 20:33

I love that. The caring economy. I love it.

Speaker 2 20:35

It's a joy to do what I do. And it's, look, it's absolutely not for everyone. It takes a certain person, to be able to do this. But my joy comes from my client's happiness and satisfaction. That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever done.

Speaker 20:49

Wow. So if someone listening feels ashamed, disconnected, maybe undesirable, or believes it's simply too late to experience deep love and intimacy again, what would you want them to know?

Speaker 2 21:00

Look, it's never too late. My, I have clients from their twenties to their eighties and. People often think that beyond 50, particularly for women at various parts of their menopause journey that they're told to shut up shop, you've done your job now if you've had kids and, look, just go quietly into the rest of your life., I think that's a terrible message. Most of my clients were over 60. They have beautiful opportunities in life. Wow. Yeah. Most of them over 60 and. I'm just the, like the doorman for example, like we said about a bridge in many ways. They've got to a point in their life where they're stuck, and by choosing to stay in that state, you're making a decision to stay where you are. I also, I like to think that like there's, I'm a, I'm, people are at a crossroads that can go one way or the other and I'm there opening the door for them to walk through. And as I say, don't fall in love with the doorman. I'm just the one holding the door open so you can go through there. We all have options in life. They might be limited. Sure. So I'm not trying to say everyone can be, wildly happy and. And so forth, but do reach out. That's the approach I take to life is it's wonderful and it's beautiful and it's hard and all of those things, but I'm gonna live it as, as best I can. And that's what I want to encourage my clients to do, to see that there are beautiful things out there. And again, that's one of the best parts of this work. I can see people's eyes open. They look at life differently because my optimism and my approach to life. Rubs off on them and then they start to see the things that they can do and the people that they can become.

Speaker 22:29

I love that. That's so beautiful. So looking back, what's one thing you learned about human connection that you would like everyone to hear?

Speaker 2 22:37

Oh gee. We're all complex, unique, weird individuals, but that's the beauty of life. Look, I've got such great connections in my life and just lean into who we are. Like it sometimes it can require a bit of unpacking and remembering the things that we. Say did as a child that we were really passionate about or as a teenager doesn't mean you have to go back and do those things again, whether it's a sport or a hobby, but we all need to connect. And I'm, as an extrovert, I get my energy from other people very often, but I also need my own time. But I find that just being out in community is really soul replenishing. Being stuck inside and being so insular, it's not so good for people. So in, in whichever way works for you and for many people that might be having a pet, having someone to care for, and that can be extraordinarily wonderful and powerful. I also love to travel, even if it's here within Australia, it's a big place here and, or overseas. And you're seeing new things. And I think that gets the mind going because you're observing different cultures or different scenery and the brain is always active. We're taking new information rather than just the same information. So that's maybe not necessarily around relationships, I guess it does, does connect to who we are and then who we project and how we're seeing.

Speaker 23:56

Wow. What happens if you fall in love? Would she have to be willing to share?

Speaker 2 24:01

Yes, for sure. Because, I've worked really hard in this industry for the last few years. It takes me a, a large amount of my time and my energy, and I do occasionally date as well. And I'm very clear about what I do. And the women that I have dated, they accept that. And, oftentimes they've got alternate relationships as well. Like they, they'll be seeing other people,

Speaker 24:20

okay.

Speaker 2 24:21

Because. Yes, they can. You, it's possible to just differentiate between my work and my private life, and I need to do that too. It is a job, it's not as though I'm gonna be, see a honey. I'm up to off to work. I'm gonna be having sex with women. I know some couples where they can do that. But look, I think it would be really challenging for most people. So I'm personally content not being in a conventional relationship. 'cause it works for me at this point in my life. And Sure. Never say never, there's always a chance hole and it's happened before, prior to doing this work that you meet someone. And chemistry is there. So it would need to be a very special woman for me to give up this work and go back to a traditional job.

Speaker 25:01

Okay. And so if there's. Men listening, what advice would you give to them to really connect with women and any advice that you've learned from your experience that you could share with other men to help raise them up?

Speaker 2 25:13

Yeah. A few of the things I've already said here, Anne, just

Speaker 25:15

Yeah,

Speaker 2 25:15

list. Slow down. It's not all about you. Just pay attention. Like the things that I find dating so easy because I'm curious and I want to learn about the person sitting opposite me. So guys, even if you're like, if you're doing online dating, a couple of really simple things. Have good photographs, take your sunglasses off, don't be holding a dead fish. Just. Think about how you are seeing, ask your friends, how do you think I would be as a date for someone? If you've got female friends, use them. 'cause they're going to understand from a woman's perspective how you come across, take advice. Don't feel that you know everything, or you have to know everything. I often give dating advice to guys, but many of them are, believe that they should know it all, or that society tells them what it's like to be a man. And that's pretty challenging. Particularly, at this. Point in society where there's negative images about men or how we should behave. So just be humble. Ask and pay attention to, and observe and listen. Watch people who are doing well in their relationships and. Ask yourself, what are they doing that I'm not doing? So yeah, all of those things combined, it really just, yeah,, be present. Those things make it far more likely you're gonna meet someone than just talking all about yourself all the time and having inflated ego.

Speaker 26:31

Those are great tips, so hopefully everybody can embody those. So is there a book resource or practice that has had the greatest impact on your understanding of intimacy and relationships that you'd recommend to our listeners?

Speaker 2 26:44

I've got a library full here of books around intimacy and, there's some that are more around, even more ones around sort of living life, like Viktor Frankl's, man's Search for Meaning,

Speaker 26:56

oh,

Speaker 2 26:56

he was survivor and he went through the most extraordinarily terrible experiences, managed to turn them around into purpose. And, why are we here? There's, I love, Esther Perel, the, therapist she talks about with couples and about how even things like, a lack of, faithfulness. Doesn't need to be the end of a relationship. She's a brilliant, speaker about intimacy and connection. I really thoroughly recommend her. And there's a billion podcasts out there now as well. I listen to so many podcasts, read tons of books, and yeah, go to the relationship section of any bookshop. You're gonna find plenty of things there. Look for the ones that are best sellers. Clearly that's gonna help. Equally, podcasts that have got a lot of listeners that have been around for a while there's so much information out there that you can learn from. Yeah, get about doing that.

Speaker 27:45

Okay, awesome. So where can listeners, connect with you and learn more about your work?

Speaker 2 27:49

Yeah, I have a website, which is george gobin.com. Pretty simple. And there's also on my Instagram is at George Gobin official, just one word. And on there you'll, on both of those, the website in particular, you'll find a lot of the stories from women that I have. Seen as clients. You'll hear many of my media appearances and so forth, and the services I offer and I really encourage people to reach out. I'm very happy to answer any questions people might have. And, yeah, I'm here to teach and to help people do better in their relationships. And, if clients want to see me, then by all means reach out and we can, I even do services like online, like this, video calls and so forth, so you don't have to fly to Australia. If you want to. By all means. So you here or go somewhere together. That's definitely, a joyful thing to do.

Speaker 28:34

I love it. I love it. George, this has been such an eyeopening conversation. Healing often begins with compassion, vulnerability, and authentic human connection. So if every woman listening today could truly believe just one thing about herself, when it comes to intimacy, relationships and being loved, what would you want that belief to be?

Speaker 2 28:54

Your beautiful as you are, need to be affectionate, even if it's with yourself. If you can find someone to who opens up. Allows you to be yourself, be your person or people. We need to surround ourselves with people who care and but it starts with caring for yourself first.

Speaker 29:10

I love that. I got goosebumps when you said that. Thank you, George. So if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might be facing a similar challenge and needs to hear this message of hope. I'll see you next time on overcoming Anything.